Sharing the Road with Aliens

Please don't hurt me! Oh wait, you're a tractor ...

Driving around Champagne country, you inevitably bump up against slow-moving freaky creatures with gangling arms and tubes. I was seriously alarmed when I first caught sight of one: I thought an alien from the game Half Life had come alive to wreak havoc on idyllic countryside autoroute D9, or Route du Champagne.

What is this thing? It is called an enjambeur, a tractor that can work with 1 or 2 rows of vines. It’s used to do pruning, spraying, hoeing, etc.

After my initial shock, I got used to seeing these funny looking tractors quickly. More often than not, they were a source of mild exasperation as they made us late to appointments. It’s tough to pass slow-moving vehicles on windy, narrow, one-lane-per-direction country roads.

And trust me; these things move very, very slowly. Bumpity-bumpity-bumpity, tubes and arms twitching about such that a few times I was sure the machine would turn around to show itself for the monster it really was and start attacking us à la Final Fantasy:

Battle with Champagne Tractor, er, Boss Monster, in Final Fantasy X

But as I observed the machines and operators at work throughout the next days, I came to appreciate how well designed they are for the closely-planted vineyards with extremely narrow rows. I began to wave to the drivers as they rumbled past, if I was on foot. And after joining a rush of coverall-clad vineyard workers who had descended onto a cozy bistro in the tiny village Bergères-lès-Vertus to eat a hearty buffet lunch, the machines took on an even more human dimension and seemed downright friendly.

It was but one element of many that makes Champagne what it is today - technology next to old-world practices. Most important are the people who make it all come together, who do their part to create something wonderful for the world to enjoy.